Action and inaction
I have a great deal of difficulty with execution; very often I stall, delay, or undo what I am trying to accomplish simply by thinking for too long about how best to go about it. I get caught up in letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. The amphetamines I take by prescription help to alleviate this, and for sundry things (dishes, cleaning, etc.) it is an effective tool. But it is ultimately a human problem I’m facing–one that we all face. How do we decide to do something?
Waking up, for instance. I am fairly uncognitive when I arise. My motor usually doesn’t get running for at least a few minutes, so between the time I first awake and the time I finally regain voluntary control over my body, there is a period where an irrational being operates the controls. He will slap at alarms, speak his mind, or just usually just go back to bed. Detrimental, of course, to a quick start to the day, but I find I have little choice in the matter, even if I get a good night’s sleep (about 8 hours for me). I have gotten up, walked out into the living room–snatching a pair of socks en route–and sat down in the comfy chair to put them on, only to wake up a half hour later with only one sock on, half-rolled up my calf. One of my friends claims to have the solution to getting up in the morning: “Dude! Just get up.” I would it were that simple.
I have no good answer to the question–the lights that shine on the path for me remain, I think, by my choice. I refuse to give them up, no matter how long I fail to take a single step in their direction. But time constrains our will. We must deal with the problems before us that are most pressing. Or not, which leads to consequences. So to avoid consequences, we must deal with the problems. And then–what do you choose to do for a positive reason? Not to avoid the stick, but to chase the carrot? Why one path over another? Why, for me, this thrice-damned game table that I have been putting off for seven years? Or any other arbitrary ideal on the list? (It is hundreds deep. I do plan to post it here some day.)
Maybe there is no answer. Certainly I haven’t given up on looking for one. 